"He'd Been There, All Along"
This is my story. This is my testimony. The story of my 'broken wings.' But how, in Jesus, I've learned how to fly again. And even though broken wings take time to mend, they always learn to fly again. And they are stronger than before the breaking.
"My heartaches were the result of decisions that I had made early in my life. I attended Catholic school for eight of my most formative years. When I reached ninth grade and went to public school, all of the training went out the window, and I became very rebellious. Thus, my downward spiral into sin.
"My answer was to smoke marijuana with my peers at the tender age of thirteen. My parents decided moving from the city (where I'd always lived) out into the country was the answer. For me, I became more rebellious. In trying to find popularity and acceptance at my new school, I became immoral and promiscuous. Looking for the love and security I so desperately needed, I had no comprehension of the pain and the suffering it would cost me.
"After entering my senior year in high school, I became pregnant. I graduated in January 1978 and was married by May. In November, I was a mother at the age of eighteen.
"I loved my little boy dearly, but I was just a child myself. The partying continued, only I found myself in a worse predicament. My husband began selling drugs from our home. Addicts would come night and day seeking marijuana. Finally, a couple of years later, I woke up to what I was exposing my son to and wanted it stoppped. I confronted my husband and he became outraged. I took my son that time, and left.
"After a few months, he agreed to stop selling drugs and agreed we needed a change in our lives, so I came back home, and went to counseling with his uncle, who was a southern baptist minister.
"I had a strong desire to learn about other faiths and his uncle read to me from the bible that 'I must be born again'. However, the partying continued and being on vacation, became another excuse to get high.
"One night, I became ill, and chose not to go partying with my husband and his two cousins. That night my husband rolled the Jeep over in a ditch and came out without a scratch, but his cousin, (who was in the back seat without a seat belt on), was not so blessed. He died eleven hours later from internal injuries... and our lives would never be the same.
"The aunt, the mother of the deceased cousin, had no bitterness in her heart toward my husband. She forgave him from her heart, as did all of his relatives. They just loved him and comforted him and displayed an unusual love that I had never experienced before.
"I left there with new seeds planted in me, but this same experience did not happen to my husband. Instead, the drug addictions worsened. Out of guilt he felt for being the driver, he rejected the forgiveness of not only his relatives, but of the Lord God's provision, Jesus Christ. He began drinking on top of doing drugs, which led to cocaine addiction to numb the pain. Then began the violence and threats toward me.
"He lost his job and planned to move out west and rented an apartment and everything was going fine, until I got in a car accident in a parking lot. When he found out, he became violent and came after me, so I locked him out of the apartment in fear. He broke out the picture window and I took my son and fled and called the police. Hundreds of miles away from anyone I knew, I was scared and felt all alone.
"At the same time, I found out I was pregnant with my second child. If I could just get home, then I'll have an abortion and leave him. No one knew my thoughts - except God.
"On the way back home, we stopped overnight at a hotel. Every hotel has a bible that's been placed there by the Gideons. This one, I took with me. (Forgive me, Lord) As we were travelling, I was planning what I would do when I got home. I opened the Bible, and the first scripture I read was: "It would be better for a millstone to be tied around your neck, and you be cast into the sea, than you hurt one of my little ones." I was shocked, as only the Lord could have known what I was contemplating! Here He was, speaking to me plainly in this Bible!
"When back home, I continued reading the Bible. The book of Revelations caused me to fear the things that would come upon the earth, and I knew I didn't want to be here when they happened. The Lord led me to a local church where I met Betty.
"Betty came to me after the service one day and asked, "If you were to die today, and stand before the Lord, and He asked you, 'Why should I let you in?' what would you say?" I had no idea! All I knew was that He shouldn't let me in, because I was no good and a dirty, rotten sinner. Betty saw that I was in despair with no way to heaven. Gently, she led me to the knowledge that there was nothing that I could do to be allowed into such a holy place as heaven. She expounded that we all are sinners in need of a Savior and explained that Jesus was the Savior that I needed because of His sacrifice on the cross, dying in my place for my sins. He made the way to the Father in heaven. If I would accept Him and His sacrifice, I would be accepted into heaven and He would give me a new life. I knelt and Betty led me in the sinner's prayer.
The Lord not only delivered my soul from the death and destruction of my previous lifestyle, but He began to heal me emotionally, demonstrating to me His unconditional love. He showed me He had been there all along in my pain with His arms opened wide, waiting for me to call upon Him.
"The Lord is patient and He will not force Himself on anyone. The Holy Spirit, so gently, so consistently, woos me to Himself. The pain and the heartaches of my sinful past life, has become so distant to me as I continue to follow after Him.
"He is my husband, my Father, my Friend, my Everything and I love Him so." ~Donna